gym shorts, Momma said there'd be days like this...

So, what feels like many years ago I read a book on parenting.  If you will remember in recent posts, I'm not much of a reader.  I can say with confidence some recollection I did not finish said book, but that's beside the point.  Reagan was still quite small and I was still a perfect parent.  The chapter I remember reading addressed "teaching your children responsibility."  How hard can THAT be, I remember thinking?  Today, I am re-thinking that statement.  Here's a window into my (more experienced) parenting brain:

The chapter told a story of two girls, both always late to school.  One's mother always came through with a note describing/excusing her daughter's tardiness.  The other's mother took a different route.  When said daughter asked for a note, mother used it as a teaching moment: "what should I say in the note, dear?"  Daughter asks if she will just write something explaining why she was late and asking that she be excused.  So, like any loving mother would, she did just that - and I remember thinking, oh this is soooo how I'm handling things when Reagan gets older.  Mom's note read something like this.

To Whom it May Concern,
My daughter (so and so) is late to school again today.  She turned her alarm clock off multiple times so she had a bit of a late start to begin with.  She then took extra time to perfectly style her hair and apply her make up AND choose the perfect outfit (all of this takes much longer than one would think).  If you deem it appropriate to forgive her tardiness you have my blessing.  If you choose to count it yet again against her, you have my blessing as well.
Sincerely,
So and So's mother

I loved this because it taught the daughter two things (in my opinion) #1, I'm not lying for you or covering for you just because you can't get your stuff together and make it to school on time. And #2 I am fine to stand by the school's policy (your authority 8 hours a day) and allow you to serve the consequences if it means you will mature and begin to learn to take responsibility for yourself.  At 7 years old, yes it is my responsibility to get you to school on time, at 17 kid, you're on your own.

At the time, I had a friend with a daughter who was a senior in high school and was about to serve detention for morning tardies.  Same friend would go in and wake her daughter each morning following around behind her, trying to "hurry" her along as best she could before she and her husband had to leave the house for work.  She would then call her daughter at what she believed were the last moments before she could leave the house without being late to school cooly reminding her of the time and wishing her a blessed day.  Daughter would assure her mother that she had already left and would not be late (and then we would see her drive by the front of the coffee shop we happend to be at as she sped to school without a prayer of arriving on time).  My friend laughed it off in frustration.

Again I had the thought, how hard can it be to teach your kid to take responsibility? Get out of bed, make it to school on time, make it to work on time.  I will soooo have this one under control when Reagan gets older...

Fast forward to this morning.  As I was dropping Reagan off at school (it was raining ok, usually she walks!) she was getting out of the car and I mentioned: "did you remember to get your gym clothes?" OH NO! The gym clothes that you washed late last night because I forgot to get them out of my backpack on Fridays like I'm supposed to?  The gym clothes that you stayed up extra late to ensure would be fully dry for me to pack and take back to school this morning? Those gym clothes? Wish she had said all that, what she really said was OH NO! then, "would you bring them by later? I don't have gym until last period." I politely agreed to bring them as I have done countless Mondays before.  I drove home and it hit me.  Here it is, this is my moment, this is Reagan's tardy.  I am supposed to teach her about being responsible.  I am supposed to lovingly stand beside her when she serves the consequences for dropping the ball so she will know how to handle herself in the real world...  Hmphhh! I just got back from dropping Logan off at Kindergarten.  I stopped and dropped off the gym clothes on my way home.  Come on people, I had to drive RIGHT by the middle school : )

Tonight I believe we will have a heart to heart on the early stages of becoming a responsible young woman, who will have to figure something out on her own the next time she forgets her gym shorts.  Mom used to always tell me, "someday you will be the mom, and then you will understand."  This parenting thing is tricky and my mother, she gets so much wiser the older I get.